...and then there was none...

My cousins finally left. The last family on my mother side we're truly close to. We keep on telling ourselves it was for the best... that they'll have a better future in the US. We'll see each other anyway, we travel every year after all. But deep inside was sadness. We've spent most of our lives together. Being the eldest among the cousins I even took care of some of them when they were still babies. There's no wonder there were a lot of tears shed when we dropped them off at the airport.

Our Christmas this year will be a little more subdued than usual and probably a lot lonelier too.

I miss my babies already.



My big baby boy


My pretty cousin

Really Bitchin'!

Changed my template again. Got bored with the last one and doesn't this totally scream "Blairbitch"?!

Anyway... been quite for the last few days because spending time with my grandmother from the US before she leaves tonight. My mom's last sister here in the Philippines is also migrating to the US tomorrow with her whole family (except their eldest son). You can just imagine how crazy the past three weeks have been for all of us! Between packing, selling their stuff, and moving, it's been total chaos. I'm also feeling sad coz I'm gonna miss hanging out with my cousins.

Incidentally, I'll be getting their old red Toyota Corolla (don't ask the rest of the specs so clueless about that!) and Bingo, my blue Honda City, will be sold to my mom's office (sniff! lots of happy memories with that one!). It's a new secondhand car for me! I think my mom just felt bad coz she's buying my brother an Eclipse (imported and all set up). Although secondhand too, it's still a spankin' set of wheels compared to what I'm getting. But I'll be getting the Eclipse eventually when my brother goes off to take his MBA in US next year (hopefully).

Oh... also went to a Halloween party last week with Tini and the rest of the 4J Boys. I went as a porn french maid... bwahahaha! Halloween is the only time of the year when you can get away looking slutty or stupid.

Enough blabbering...


The Girls



The 4J Boys

Desperately Desperate

Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves before we fall asleep.

We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy...

...or that he's happy...

...that we can change...

...or that he will change his mind.

We persuade ourselves we can live with our sins...

...or that we can live without him.

Yes. Each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that, come morning, it will all be true.

--- Desperate Housewives Episode 1.15: IMPOSSIBLE

FIX YOU

A very poignant song by Coldplay...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

... and I bet we all need some fixin' up...

I WANT...

... to buy anything and everything without bothering to look at the price.
... to have a work and actually love it.
... to spend summer in the Philippines by the beach; see the maple leaves fall in Canada; play in the snow in Europe; and watch the flowers bloom while the snow melts in the US.
... to live on my own
... to eat anything and everything without gaining weight or inches.
... to stop having nightmares.
... to see the rest of my dream.