Sunday, October 30, 2005

...and then there was none...

My cousins finally left. The last family on my mother side we're truly close to. We keep on telling ourselves it was for the best... that they'll have a better future in the US. We'll see each other anyway, we travel every year after all. But deep inside was sadness. We've spent most of our lives together. Being the eldest among the cousins I even took care of some of them when they were still babies. There's no wonder there were a lot of tears shed when we dropped them off at the airport.

Our Christmas this year will be a little more subdued than usual and probably a lot lonelier too.

I miss my babies already.

My big baby boy Posted by Picasa

My pretty cousin Posted by Picasa

Friday, October 28, 2005

Really Bitchin'!

Changed my template again. Got bored with the last one and doesn't this totally scream "Blairbitch"?!

Anyway... been quite for the last few days because spending time with my grandmother from the US before she leaves tonight. My mom's last sister here in the Philippines is also migrating to the US tomorrow with her whole family (except their eldest son). You can just imagine how crazy the past three weeks have been for all of us! Between packing, selling their stuff, and moving, it's been total chaos. I'm also feeling sad coz I'm gonna miss hanging out with my cousins.

Incidentally, I'll be getting their old red Toyota Corolla (don't ask the rest of the specs so clueless about that!) and Bingo, my blue Honda City, will be sold to my mom's office (sniff! lots of happy memories with that one!). It's a new secondhand car for me! I think my mom just felt bad coz she's buying my brother an Eclipse (imported and all set up). Although secondhand too, it's still a spankin' set of wheels compared to what I'm getting. But I'll be getting the Eclipse eventually when my brother goes off to take his MBA in US next year (hopefully).

Oh... also went to a Halloween party last week with Tini and the rest of the 4J Boys. I went as a porn french maid... bwahahaha! Halloween is the only time of the year when you can get away looking slutty or stupid.

Enough blabbering...

The Girls Posted by Picasa

The 4J Boys Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Desperately Desperate

Yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves before we fall asleep.

We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we're happy...

...or that he's happy...

...that we can change...

...or that he will change his mind.

We persuade ourselves we can live with our sins...

...or that we can live without him.

Yes. Each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that, come morning, it will all be true.

--- Desperate Housewives Episode 1.15: IMPOSSIBLE

Friday, October 14, 2005


A very poignant song by Coldplay...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

... and I bet we all need some fixin' up...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


... to buy anything and everything without bothering to look at the price.
... to have a work and actually love it.
... to spend summer in the Philippines by the beach; see the maple leaves fall in Canada; play in the snow in Europe; and watch the flowers bloom while the snow melts in the US.
... to live on my own
... to eat anything and everything without gaining weight or inches.
... to stop having nightmares.
... to see the rest of my dream.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

The Shortest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

She said, "No!"

And the girl lived happily ever after.

Girl power!!!

To All Women

A friend posted this on Friendster and I just had to share to everybody.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending ...compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships ... there is nothing cute about baggage ... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you ... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals ... look for someone complimentary ...not supplementary.

Dating is fun ... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes ... when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

"They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them."

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


"...I still believe in ever after with you"

Ever After by Bonnie Bailey

Monday, October 03, 2005


Spent seems to be a better word unless someone can suggest something beyond tired. Because I'm really damn tired... body, mind, and soul. Here I am, venting out my anger, frustration, and confusion over some unmentionable reason. It's late. I'm here on the third floor, my internet haven, with my Marlboro lights on one hand and a glass of Coke on the other. This will definitely help me go to sleep faster!

I want a reset button to clear out the mess. Restart. Rewind.

The little devil on my left shoulder is whispering revenge while the angel on my right is telling me to let it go. And I admit, I'm a vengeful sort. I get mad AND I get even. I'm burning in hell anyway so what's another sin gonna do to my already blackened soul?!

Sigh! Enough.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

A Tale to Remember

I don't blame anybody... especially men... for not understanding my obsession with "the perfect proposal".

One of my roommates from AIM just got engaged a week ago in Tagaytay and last night was their pamamanhikan. We had lunch today and she told us what happened on that fateful weekend. I won't go into the details but suffice it to say it was funny but sweet. It was unlike my friend's boyfriend to be so mushy but so like them to bungle along the way. It was perfect! The mom even helped take care of accommodations in Tagaytay and she was also the one who made sure the ring fit. She asked my friend to try on her ring in the pretense of asking her opinion on her jewelry. The engagement ring is now considered an heirloom. It was his mom's engagement ring, eventually my friend will pass it on to her son... on the condition that my friend likes her daughter-in-law-to-be!

We already suspected she was going to be the first 315 Girl to get married. They don't have definite plans yet and may even take at most two years before the wedding. But at least they're engaged already.

Some people think I'm always after the ring... that it must be huge... it must be fashionable... I don't mind if it's not all that. But what I do want is the whole shebang!

I want a proposal worthy to be featured in a bridal magazine.

Worthy of being retold a hundred times because of the unforgettable way it was done.

Worthy of becoming an "urban legend"!

If the guy is totally in love with me then he'll find a way to make it one of the most memorable of my life. I mean, it's the least he could do. After all, I'm the one who'll get fat and pregnant and will probably be in labor for more than 24 hours! Women do die during childbirth!

I guess I just want to feel special.

But I wouldn't say no to a nice ring too!


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